


It's okay, I'm used to it

by Anonymous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bad Parenting, Gen, Hurt, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Omega Tsukishima Kei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22864831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Tsukishima Kei could stare down a snarling alpha without flinching, no big deal. He already didn't look like a stereotypical omega, so why should he act like one? Some of his teammates look at this with admiration, some feel this is not right.A story told in snapshots.(and edited, because I realized one scene was missing)
Relationships: Sugawara Koushi & Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Akiteru & Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 251
Collections: Anonymous





	It's okay, I'm used to it

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, but I decided to finally post it here.

“A fucking omega! _Omega_! Such a big boy, and he’s going to be somebody’s bitch! The potential he had! Don’t shush me, woman! Now, even Akiteru looks like a perfect boy in comparison!”

His father’s screams filtered through the walls and even the pangs of pain couldn’t distract Kei enough not to pick up on them. He wanted to ignore the angry voice, but the words rammed themselves into his brain. 

“Don’t listen to him, he’s just- he’s just frustrated.” Akiteru tried to clumsily reassure him, but the crushing feeling of being a disappointment was already starting to grow inside of him. Kei curled into a tight ball and pushed his back into the warm embrace, seeking some physical comfort at least. The smells around him were confusing, never before had he been able to smell himself so _strongly_ , the smothering sweetness with a tang of something bitter was making him gag. Kei felt hot, sick and miserable. 

“How was your practice today?” He asked, hoping that the voice of his brother will finally drown out the argument outside. His mother made the mistake of trying to defend him and that must have riled his father up even more. Another pang of pain shot through him, starting in his belly and going straight to the base of his back. Akiteru tensed behind him for a second, but he quickly hugged Kei closer to himself, folding around him to help Kei feel safe and protected. Being that close, Kei could smell the mild, fresh scent of his brother. He caught Akiteru’s arm that was laying across his flank and pushed it upwards so the older boy was hugging him around his shoulders. Kei inhaled the citrusy scent, which managed to drive away the overpowering sweetness.

“It was nice, tiring, but nice. We were helping our libero get better and were pelting him with balls,” Akiteru chuckled lowly and Kei let the soft voice lull him into a slumber. 

While floating in the warm and grey void of sleepiness, Kei vowed to himself to never be worse than any alpha. To never be _weak_. 

* * *

_Do not be weak._

_Do not._

_Don’t._

The thought was ricocheting in Kei’s head while his dad was snarling at him. He tried not to bare his throat, not to waver in any way under the overwhelming rage of an alpha. His ears were ringing, his knees felt weak, and his eyes prickled with unshed tears but Kei kept his back straight. He kept his eyes carefully trained on every move of his dad. He has never hit Kei, but the instincts were screaming at him to be alert. An angry alpha was a dangerous alpha. 

“Don’t you have an ounce of a spine in this freakishly long body!?” Kei felt his gums itch. His dad was right in front of his face, seething because on their walk to the grocery shop somebody had catcalled him and Kei did nothing. A part of Kei wished that the anger that was directed at him was just a horribly bastardized worry over him. A dad should be worried that their child is being catcalled, right? 

“Show me some bite you freak!” His father jabbed a finger at his chest and Kei’s body seized, he took a step back but managed not to bow in submission. The muscles in his neck tensed to the point Kei could feel pain growing there. His father looked at him as if the boy failed yet another expectation. _Sorry I’ve been born this way_ , Kei thought bitterly, he wanted the ground to swallow him, he wanted to hide and never come out.

His father laughed. It was an ugly, grating sound, he shook his head in disappointment. The unexpected pat on the shoulder almost toppled Kei.

“What the fuck do I expect from a freak of the nature omega? Big and lanky but with the spirit of a mouse.” His father spat bitterly and left Kei with ringing ears, alone in the kitchen. He mechanically finished unpacking the groceries. 

He tried not to act like any other omega. He didn’t seek attention nor touch, he stayed quiet and detached, he held himself straight and tried to look imposing whenever he could. Kei loathed to even think about being aggressive, try as he might, the instincts to hide and protect himself from harm were always stronger than the urge to snarl and bite, but was that so much of a problem? Why couldn't his father at least appreciate that he never caused any trouble? He didn’t flaunt his secondary gender as so many other omegas did. So where was the damn problem? Kei almost choked on a whine that clogged his throat, desperate to be let out. He should be used to it, used to a father that always looked disappointed. He never asked for an omega son. Kei tried to act like a beta, but it wasn't enough. Nothing he did was enough. Noone could convince his father to give up his demands either.

He still could see his father in the living room, with his rigid spine and squared shoulders the man looked plenty imposing, but the angry smell was what was making Kei want to bolt to his room. The man paced for a moment, stood over his wife, sitting on the couch and clicking away on her laptop, shook his head, his lips curled up a bit showing just the hint of white sharp teeth and again turned towards his son. The man in just a few quick, long strides was close enough, that the scorching scent burned Kei's nose.

"What do I have to do to finally make you man up?" he leaned down his tone eerily conversational. Kei focused on the groceries.

"I don't know," he answered into the fridge where be was putting yogurt. The cool air helped to clear his nose. The need to sneeze was fading away and just the ashy taste of mixed fear, anger, humiliation, disappointment lingered in the back of his tongue. 

"Boy, when I talk to you you have to look me in the eye!" His father snarled. "Stop being a cowardly, weak bitch, for God's sake. You were born with such a big body and you are wasting its damn potential-"

“Stop it!” His mother’s voice cut through the rant. Kei didn’t dare to look at her, even when his father took a step away from him and toward the woman, currently staring him down. Tsukishima could clearly see his father biting down on a snarl and whatever words were pushing on his lips. He took a deep breath to calm himself, but Kei still wanted nothing more than to disappear from his eyes. 

“Do not undermine me!”

“Do not make me!” His mother didn’t even stand up from the sofa, but her glare was enough to make his father reconsider his next words. His mom chose this moment of silence to look at him.

“Kei, go to your room.” Tsukishima nodded but stopped in his tracks before he could even take a full step.

“You are coddling him!” Kei looked from his mom to his father. He didn’t want to make the man even angrier, but he desperately wanted to listen to his mom, she gave him the perfect excuse to hide. After all, he had to obey his parents right? Alpha, omega or beta, at least that didn’t matter when obeying parents was at the stake.

“Go to your room, dear” His mom ignored the angry accusation. Kei got around his dad in a wide arch and tried to calmly walk towards his room. He could feel the gaze burning into his back, so he tried to at least now look collected. The moment he scaled the stairs, he hurried to his room, hunching his shoulders. 

“Haven’t I told you not to undermine my words in front of him?!” The angry voices still filtered through the walls, though.

“He is _our_ son, I have as much to say in how we bring him up, as you do.”

“You are rearing him up to be a weak bitch. At least, I want to make him strong.” Kei tried to find his headphones but, annoyingly enough, they were nowhere to be seen. 

“He is an omega, what do you expect from him? To suddenly become aggressive? To roar at people, to obey him? Dear, I know you wanted an alpha son, but goddammit, you will not change what was given to you. Start cherishing your sons! If that goes on, you will break them!” His mother wasn’t an alpha nor an omega. She was a plain beta but when angry, she sure as hell could cow whoever she wanted. 

Kei finally managed to find the headphones, he plugged them into his phone and, with trembling hands, quickly started his playlist to drown out the argument. He fluffed up the few pillows he had, flicked his comforted and grabbed the big stuffed triceratops plushie to hug when he nested on his bed. The warmth and squashiness soothed his nerves slightly. 

His parents started arguing on occasion ever since his brother presented as a beta, but it became a regular occurrence after he presented as an omega. 

“Do you think father stopped loving mom after it turned out who I am?” Kei remembered asking his brother, they were tossing to each other outside, hiding from the argument raging inside the house over the usual. Kei feared the answer, but at the same time wanted to share his worries with somebody. 

“Of course not, they still love each other. Dad is just- he just has to get used to the idea that neither of his two sons is an alpha.” Akitaeru had laughed nervously and tried to divert his attention with some cool serves. Kei had tried to believe him but the worry had taken roots already. 

Now, with another argument, Tsukishima couldn’t shake off the feeling he was destroying the marriage.

A tiny, vicious voice murmured in his head that, if his father finally decides to leave them, Kei will be able to finally live without a scrutinizing gaze and disappointed grunts. That peace will finally rein in this house. 

Kei burrowed his head into his plush toy and focused on the lyrics, the mere idea that he could find joy in a broken marriage of his parents left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. 

However, the voice was still there. More and more alluring as time went on. 

* * *

The day he came back home to see suitcases in front of the house, was the day Kei should be celebrating. He heard his father’s angry voice, laced with the alpha rumble that made him immediately want to hide from the angry male, but he sucked in a breath, straightened his back and stepped into the living room just in time to see and hear his mother snarl back at his father. Angry and defensive, something he rarely had seen. His father took a step back to avoid colliding with his wife, which shocked Kei even more than the argument, and suitcases, and lack of his dad’s stuff laying around. 

“My main problem is _you_! Since our children have been born you have changed. Children are not something you can _choose_!” his mother was advancing towards his dad making him move backward. Kei felt his legs take roots into the floor. He couldn’t move a muscle. The anger in the room was making it hard to breathe. “I’m sorry I couldn’t birth strong alphas,” his mother spat and Kei felt his stomach drop, “but we have a beta and omega sons! You either change or leave!” They stared at each other, angry and seemingly ready to attack. 

“Tsch.” His father finally broke the eye-contact, he grabbed the duffle bag that was lying on the bed, threw into it the toiletries he was holding and zipped it. His mother turned away from him, Tsukishima could smell the bitterness and hurt coming off of her in waves. His father scrunched up his nose, the harsh smell of anger got stronger, and he looked up, finally noticing Kei standing in the doorway like a deer caught in headlights. The man froze for a second before he slung his bag over his shoulder and stalked forward, he stared hard at Kei, waiting, and the boy couldn't help but to hunch his shoulders and move away. It was all too much. The hurt, anger, shock. It all made his head spin, his ears ring, and his eyes sting. The man looked at him as if Kei failed in his eyes once again. For the last time.

The deafening bang of closing door sounded like a gunshot, Kei heard a faint sniffle and that finally jolted him into action. He gave in to the screaming instincts. Kei ran away to his room and burrowed under his comforter, hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He was scared and lost. A long whine broke out from his lips and Kei started sobbing. He pressed his face into the pillow to muffle the sound. His glasses painfully dug into his skin but Kei ignored it. The rumble of a starting car made the nightmare seem that more real. The burning desire to call Akiteru and beg him to come home and make it all better suddenly made Kei's stomach revolt. Behavior like this, his inability to deal with problems alone was probably one of the many reasons his father decided to leave. He was just a weak omega, no alpha would like somebody like him as a son. 

Kei bit down on the pillow and refused to call his brother 

Akiteru found him a few hours later, hoarse and exhausted from crying.

Kei hated how relieved he felt when his brother hugged him and assured that everything will be alright again. He hated how he loved the feeling of peace that engulfed him when they went to sleep together. 

His father wanted him to be strong.

* * *

When Kageyama grabbed his collar and snarled inches from his face, the smoky, acrid smell of anger filled his nose. Tsukki felt his instincts ring an alarm. 

_Placate the angry alpha._

_Get away._

_Submit._

_Do_ something _._

Tsukishima didn’t move, he smirked and looked down at the angry teen. The smell got worse. 

Yamaguchi jumped to his right and grabbed The King’s hand to dislodge it from Kei’s jumper. The shrimp jumped up and down and tried to divert the attention of the alpha. Kei waited for Kageyama to break the eye-contact first, he all but leaned towards him, daring the alpha to do something. The itch under his skin, the hotness licking at his insides made him act recklessly. Kei felt his body move on an autopilot, he was just a passenger waiting for the disaster to happen. 

Kageyama scoffed and pushed him away. The shrimp forcefully moved him away, giving Tsukishima a stinky eye, Yamaguchi stayed close by his side, bristling. Tsukishima adjusted his glasses, making sure that his hand wasn’t trembling and snorted. 

"All bite no bark, but we will see how dominant you'll be on the court, my king." He couldn't entirely bite down on a snarky comment that escaped his lips, so to avoid further escalation he turned around to start walking home as if nothing happened. His ears were ringing and his heart was racing in his chest. Kei thought it must be a miracle it didn't break through his ribcage. Tsukishima was incredibly happy he bought the best brand of scent blockers, otherwise, everybody and their grandma would have known how close to losing his shit he was. He palmed the side of his neck, the pulse was madly fluttering under his skin. Tadashi hurried after him, checking from time to time if Kageyama and the small redhead weren’t following them.

“Tsukki, what the hell? Why would you pick a fight with an _alpha_?” Tadashi whined and Kei just shrugged. Apparently, stress and the recent change of suppressants were screwing with his head. He completely lost the brain-to-mouth filter. The itch under his skin was driving him crazy. Kei wondered how long the side effects will last. He tried to remember when he had his last heat. Maybe, it was time to give his body a break from constantly stuffing it with suppressants? Tsukishima ignored that line of thought. He was too shaken and too tired to deal with it now.

“But I must say it was awesome how you stayed all cool despite the snarling and posturing!” Yamaguchi clapped his hands. Kei looked at the beta.

“Yeah?”

“Yup, but dear god, next time you do something that stupid I won’t even try to help you” Tadashi furrowed his brows. Kei tried to ignore the tang of worry still lacing his friend’s smell. He didn’t like the fact even a beta felt like he couldn’t hold his own fights. He was bigger and meaner than his friend.

“Ah, yes. Without my guardian, I will get obliterated.” Tsukishima deadpanned and didn’t even slow his pace when Yamaguchi stopped indignant. 

“Tsukki” 

Kei kept walking. He heard a resigned sigh and finally looked back at Tadashi, halting his steps. 

“C’mon, it’s already dark” he chased his friend up. His skin was crawling with nervous energy and there was nothing he wanted more than to burrow himself in his bed. He ignored the flash of understanding in Tadashi’s eyes as the boy hurried to join him.

* * *

Hinata was small, at least in comparison to people on the team, and bubbly, and endearing, and filled with inhuman amounts of energy… and he was a _beta_. 

Tsukki narrowed his eyes at the shrimpy middle blocker who was butting heads with Kageyama who, in turn, didn’t feel any need to tone down on his snarling, which was making Tsukishima’s skin crawl. He looked at Suga who stopped nearby and was keeping an eye on the two squabbling idiots, but was refraining from doing anything else. Tsukishima wondered why the other omega just stood there. Shouldn’t he stop the duo before it escalates? Kageyama was an alpha, he should be more aware of his actions, goddammit. Even Tanaka wasn’t making Tsukki want to bark back and leave as much, and he was another boisterous and in your face alpha. Kei looked to his left where Tanaka and Nishinoya were practicing. Yup, they were equally loud but somehow, Tsukki didn’t mind them as much. He wrinkled his nose and turned back towards Yamaguchi, to continue with spikes and receives.

“Tsukishimaaa!” Hinata’s shriek made both him and Yamaguchi startle, the spike went flying away, off of it’s supposed track, and Tsukishima turned slowly towards Hinata. He stared at the beta.

“Come, I want to practice some normal spikes and you can join us to practice receives!” Hinata was almost bouncing in place. Tsukishima looked at Kageyama standing with his arms crossed and glaring daggers at Hinata.

“No.”

“Don’t be an ass!” Now, everyone was looking at them. Tsukki felt his skin crawl. He tugged at his fingers. 

“No.”

“C’mon, work on your teamwork!” Tanaka screamed from the other side and Tsukki decided he hated the alpha as well. Noya snickered at him. Yamaguchi came back with their ball.

“Hinata, don’t push. You got your answer.”

Tsukishima felt something in him bristle when Yamaguchi backed him up, but he ignored the knee jerk reaction. Hinata looked like he couldn’t wrap his head around saying “no” to further practice. 

“But it will help him as well, c’mon!” The ginger beta pressed. Kei kept on playing with his fingers, trying not to snap at the beta and come up with a calm way to deter him from further pestering.

“Yeah, Tsukishima. Join them for a moment” Daichi finally butted in and Tsukishima cringed inwardly. He couldn’t say no to their captain. Not after Oikawa showed everybody how bad he was at receiving. 

“Tsk. Just a few receives and after that, stop bothering me.” He moved towards the net and stood in front of Kageyama. The young alpha was visibly irritated and that set Tsukki on edge. He stared at him until The King averted his gaze, grumbling. Hinata bounced back, happy like a kid on Christmas morning. Yamaguchi looked like he wanted to join them but Sugawara called him over. Tsukki moved back and assumed the position. Hinata took a running start and Kageyama tossed him the ball. The smack of the palm hitting the ball banged through the gym, Tsukki lurched forward and received the spike. It bounced off his arms and went to the right. Hinata looked happy but Kageyama frowned. They went for another spike, and another, and another. Kageyama more often than not looked displeased with how they were being completed. Tsukki tried to avoid looking at his scrunched up face but the unfurling smell of irritation was starting to reach him. Tsukki started taking shallow breaths. The voice and angry face of his father were slowly resurfacing in his memory. He gritted his teeth and tried to focus on the task at hand. He refused to let the memories get better of him. Those were supposed to be the past. 

“Woah, so you are capable of playing like a normal human being” Tsukki remarked after he could receive another ball. Hinata, to his credit, was not only getting the hang of the normal attack but he was also visibly trying to aim at Tsukishima… with varying degrees of accuracy. There were a few close calls when Hinata’s ball almost struck Tsukki’s face, and he was almost certain it wasn’t entirely unintentional if the smirks were anything to clue him in.

“Urk!” The next toss flew right over Hinata’s head.

“Moron!” Kageyama was quick to shout and Tsukishima chose this moment to straighten and stretch. He looked over to where Yamaguchi was still practicing with Sugawara and wrinkled his nose when he was met with two pairs of eyes, both boys immediately averted their gazes but it was too late. 

“One more!” Hinata's shout brought him back.

“It was supposed to be just a few but we can count the attacks in dozens now, I know you both suck at math, but c’mon.” Tsukishima pushed his glasses higher up his nose. He was getting tired and his forearms were stinging from the force of the spikes. Hinata puffed up, but what really made Tsukishima regret his words was Kageyama’s reaction. 

“Stop complaining! You are a regular player, you have to get better. We want to help you, but you do nothing but complaint! With your stature, you should be working your ass off!” Kageyama stomped towards the net, an angry scent coming off of him in waves and made a move as if he wanted to grab Tsukishima’s jumper. Tsukki moved back on instinct but quickly got a hold of himself and stood his ground. He glared at Kageyama and loomed over his head.

“Excuse me, my king, but _normal_ people have _normal_ amounts of stamina.” he was surprised to hear a rumble in his voice. It took aback Kageyama as well, but the alpha, instead of backing down, bared his teeth. Tsukishima felt his blood run cold.

“Enough!” Daichi’s roar stopped everybody in their tracks. Tsukishima blinked and took a few steps back away from Kageyama. He jumped when he felt somebody’s hand on his back.

“It’s okay” Sugawara all but materialized next to him, Yamaguchi stood on his other side. Kei felt both caged and secured. He felt his head spin. 

“How many times do I have to remind you, we are a team?” Sawamura stomped towards them. Tsukishima was expecting to be hit with another wave of the violent reek of anger but instead, his scent remained almost perfectly neutral. The warmth of Sugawara’s hand seeped through the fabric of his jumper and, somehow, he felt safer. The touch reminded Kei of all the times Akiteru, hugged, patted or touched him to soothe him during the arguments in their house. Sugawara smelled like freshly cut grass. Tsukishima took a deep breath. 

Kageyama took a few steps back, distancing himself from both Tsukishima and Daichi, his hands were curled into tight fists and his posture was visibly tense but the setter apparently tried to calm himself down, he took a few deep breaths and avoided looking at Tsukki.

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama finally bowed his head and mumbled his apology, clearly ashamed. He didn’t put up any fight, Daichi didn’t need to cow him into submission. He seemed embarrassed that he lost his cool.

“It’s not me who should be apologized to” Daichi put his hands on his hips. He smelled warm, it wasn’t invasive or anything. Daichi smelled almost comforting. Tsukishima involuntarily stared at him in confusion which rose, even more, when he noticed Kageyama turning towards him. 

“I’m-I’m-’msorry” It looked like it was physically painful to him to utter these words, but Kageyama even quickly bowed to him and immediately turned back to put as much distance between them as possible. Hinata was laughing his ass off at Kageyama, who snapped at the ginger beta to shut up. It just made him laugh harder. Even Nishinoya started chuckling. Kageyama looked like he was torn between wanting to disappear and throttle them. The reek of anger was disappearing from the air.

“That was quick” Daichi also seemed surprised. He turned towards Kei and smiled apologetically. 

“But you also should tone down on your salt,” The older alpha looked Tsukishima in the eye and the omega felt his cheeks going red. The calm response threw him for the loop. Daichi nodded at him and went back to his spot. Suga and Tadashi stayed close to him. 

“You want to keep practicing with us or to take a break?” Sugawara asked. This time Tadashi didn’t answer in his stead, just looked at Kei and waited for his response. Kei twisted his fingers.

“A break sounds good.” Sugawara nodded at him as if Kei just gave him the correct answer. Yamaguchi went to put the ball into the basket. 

“We can go to the club room for a second” Sugawara gently pushed Kei in the direction of the exit. Tsukishima didn’t feel the need to argue with that. He stole a quick look towards Tadashi who hurried after them. 

On their way out Daichi and Suga nodded at each other and Kei got weirded out by the telepathic way they seemed to be communicating. He wondered if they planned beforehand the course of action if he and Kageyama started fighting.

“Do you want something to drink, Tsukishima?” not waiting for an answer Suga turned his steps towards the vending machine.

“I don’t have money with me.”

“It’s on me. Yamaguchi?” Kei felt lowkey ignored even though Sugawara was trying to treat him to a drink. 

“If it’s not a problem a mango-flavored ice tea would be nice.” Tadashi smiled sheepishly and looked at Tsukki, Sugawara turned towards him and walked backward. 

“Strawberry milk, please.” Kei relented. Suga’s smile was big and warm. 

After the drinks were bought and the three of them were sitting in awkward silence in the club room, Tsukki finally took a deep breath and let his muscles relax. The sweetness of milk helped him calm down too. 

“Thank you for the drink.” Tsuki bowed slightly towards Suga who waved his hand.

“It’s nothing, but tell me, Tsukishima, is everything alright?” Kei couldn’t stop himself from looking at Yamaguchi.

“Yes, everything is perfectly fine,” he said flatly furrowing his brows. Suddenly, the peaceful room turned into a cage. Tsukishima looked at the door and wondered how rude it’d be if he just up and left.

“Tsukishima,” the way in which Suga looked at him made Tsukki squirm. He palmed the scent sealing patch on his neck to see if it had gotten loose or something but it was firmly stuck to his skin.

“I can take care of myself” Tsukishima stubbornly repeated. Suga’s smile turned bitter.

“I’m not saying you cannot, Tsukishima, I just want to know if everything is alright. Kageyama shouldn’t have acted the way he did, not everybody is as unbothered as Hinata” Kei felt himself bristle.

“Thank you for your concern, Sugawara but I am perfectly fine.” Suga didn’t seem bothered by the ice-cold tone. His face softened and his smile became almost sad. Tsukki wanted to get away from the room. Yamaguchi put his hand on Kei’s biceps and lightly squeezed wanting to reassure him. Tsukishima barely stopped himself from wrenching his arm away. He looked at Tadashi.

“I’m _fine_.” Yamaguchi looked at him with worry clear on his face.

“Tsukki, c’mon, we want to help, but you have to be honest”

“There is no need for help” Tsukishima hissed. 

Sugawara was looking at them with a slight frown.

“Okay, if you are saying everything is ok, I have to believe you”, both Yamaguchi and Tsukishima looked surprised at Suga, who looked sternly at the tall blonde, “but if something, _anything_ will be happening, remember the whole team is there to help you, _I am_ there, ok?” Tsukishima suddenly felt very small. He blinked owlishly at the older omega, who looked as if he knew more than he was letting on. Finally, he nodded.

“Uh, ok,” Tsukishima mumbled and shut himself up with his milk. Yamaguchi scooted closer to him but didn’t say anything. He just looked subdued. Tsukishima felt the urge to apologize and cheer him up. He focused on his drink. Suga looked at them for a moment longer before he stood up.

“I’m gonna head out, you guys can stay here for a moment longer,” Suga looked at his watch. “Or you can get a head start and prepare to go home.” He waved at them and exited the room. Tsukishima felt the silence pressing at him. He regretted ever waking up this day or, at least, agreeing to practice with the monster duo.

“Tsukki-” 

“Let’s change.” Tsukishima ignored Tadashi’s attempt at picking up the topic. He stood up, crushed the milk box and threw it into the trash. Turning his back to his friend, he walked up to his bag and clothes and took off the jumper. After a moment, he heard Yamaguchi shuffle. Tsukishima sprayed himself with a scent concealing deodorant and once again checked if the patches were firmly stuck to his scent glands. He observed Tadashi from the corner of his eye, the boy’s shoulders were slumped and his mouth was twisted unhappily. Tsukki felt guilt heavily sit on his shoulders. He finished changing and perched on the bench waiting for Yamaguchi, fiddling with his fingers. The ruckus outside pushed him to finally open his mouth.

“Yamaguchi, if I will ever need help, I know I can talk to you.” He kept looking at his fingers, the words left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Really?” Tadashi looked up hopefully. “Or are those just empty words?” He furrowed his brows.

“Nothing’s happening, that I cannot deal with on my own.” Tsukki squared his shoulders and looked his friend in the eye. Yamaguchi didn’t have a chance to say anything because Hinata and Kageyama busted through the door arguing who was first. Daichi shoved them inside with suffering expression. 

When Kageyama accidentally made eye contact with Tsukishima, he fell silent. Even Hinata stopped for a second and looked from the omega to frozen alpha. Tsukki tsked and grabbed his bag, he slung it over his shoulder and made his way towards the exit. Tadashi hurried after him.

“Tsukishima!” Daichi’s voice reached him when Kei was halfway to the stairs. He turned towards his captain.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t act sooner.” The older alpha bowed and Tsukishima felt his head spin. _What the actual fuck was happening? Why did everyone suddenly decide to coddle him?!_

“With all due respect, you should rather teach Kageyama a thing or two.” Tsukki bowed stiffly and winced when Daichi squinched up.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” The alpha looked at him for a moment, “I won’t let things escalate next time.” Daichi smiled at him and turned, without waiting for an answer. Tsukki nodded at his retreating back. 

“Let’s go home, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi called him, standing a few steps ahead.

They didn’t talk much, Yamaguchi tried to keep his chatter up, but even he gave up. Tsukishima felt the silence between them pushing uncomfortably at his mind, but he couldn’t find it in himself to break it. The row with Kageyama was still fresh in his mind, and there was something good in revealing the anger that it ignited. The anger and defiance that was battling with the void that usually filled him. 

The night was slowly setting around them, the streets were already becoming sleepy and empty. Tsukishima breathed the fresh air and let it chase away the lingering stench of alpha anger that was still hiding on the very borders of his senses. 

“Till tomorrow, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi waved at him when they reached his turn. 

“Yeah, take care.” Tsukishima nodded at him. He waited a moment to watch his friend walk slowly away before he picked up his route again. The world around him was silent and he welcomed the feeling of being just a small creature walking the planet Earth. He was just a speck in the grand universe, smaller than dust and the thought felt somewhat liberating, it let him calm his mind for a moment and chase the emotions away, far enough that they wouldn’t bother him until he got to his room.

Even as late as Tsukishima came home, he was still the first one. Chill, dark rooms greeted him silently as Kei entered the hall.

“I’m back,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. Standing still, barefoot, with his bag hanging loosely from his hand, Tsukki felt his emotions surface and overflow like a tsunami. Before he registered what he was doing, the bag got flung down the corridor and Tsukki punched the nearby wall with all the strength he had. “For fuck’s sake!” A dull, bang echoed in the silence. A numbing warmth spread through his palm. Tsukki took a step back and prepared himself for another swing. 

_Could he break something in his palm, if he kept throwing punches like this?_

The thought flitted through his mind and snapped him from his daze. The boy collected his bag and went upstairs to his room. The anger took a backseat and simmered deep in his soul. The void again filled his mind. 

A cool, level-headed part of him sneered down at his emotions. Getting so worked up over a dumb argument with alpha should be beneath him, but Tsukki couldn’t help feeling angry. The calculating looks from his teammates, the compassion, the so-called understanding were adding oil to the fire.

Nobody would blink twice if it were Hinata in his place or any other beta.

Tsukishima threw the bag aside and flopped onto his bed, he pulled his headphones over his ears and quickly found a suitable playlist. Kei cranked the volume as high as he could. He closed his eyes and focused on the music, cutting himself off from the whole world and trying to find his equilibrium back. 

Unconsciously, he palmed the patch on his neck and slightly scratched at the irritated skin around it. He shouldn’t practice in them, they didn’t allow his skin to breathe and the sweating made things worse. Tsukki stopped scratching when he felt the corners come loose. He opened his eyes and stretched trying to reach the dinosaur plushie sitting over his head. He held it in outstretched arms and looked at the dull, beady eyes. 

Tsukki bared his teeth at it in a silent snarl but the toy just kept looking at him, clumped fur was soft and familiar under his fingers. Tsukishima sighted and turned onto his belly tucking the dino under his chin, he closed his eyes and let the music pound in his ears. Worried eyes of Yamaguchi and Suga burned in his memory, making him feel both irritated and reassured. The latter feeling got promptly pushed down, down, _down_ his mind until it got smothered by the music.


End file.
